Lust Least

Creative Loafing's "Lust List," their annual guide to the "sexiest Atlantans," came out this week, and if their selection of "hotties" represents "Atlanta's finest" (as writer Alyssa Abkowitz put it), then, boy, is this city in trouble. You don't really have to read through the profiles to learn about the callowness, banality, and vapidity that pass 'round these parts for sexiness, though (although music fans may want to clog their iPods with the Hot Listers' recommendations of Cher, Madonna, Dave Matthews, and the like): one glance at a portrait will invalidate all of the Loaf's selections (and question the credibility of the rag in general).

Check out Anton Matthews, bartender (50% of the Loaf's picks are bartenders/servers/waitresses, one is a sun tan salon owner, another a hairdresser, one a receptionist, one a headshop manager, 1 a cop and 1 a preacher. Care to guess what most Loafers do in their spare time?). Note the cellphone attached to the belt, ready for an urgent message from the President (or some dude calling him to tell him that some chick's pulled "a boob out" -- Anton's favorite attention-getter). Surely no one reading this will need to be told what poor Alyssa obviously doesn't know: cellphone as belt-attached fashion is the least sexy statement a person can make.